


The Rescue

by StormyBear30



Category: Lost
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-08
Updated: 2011-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They get rescued and Charlie's life falls apart from there</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rescue

I thought that once we were rescued that everything would be wonderful and carefree. I figured that since we were away from the island that had held us captive for three long years that our lives would be normal again. I thought that I had found the one true love of my life…the one person that I was going to spend the rest of my days with. However…what I truly found was to many mixed up emotions to fathom and a life shattering heartbreak that nearly drove me towards the brink of drug hazed madness once again. It all started early one rainy day three years into our emergence onto the island.

Jack and I had been together and in love for the previous two years and were snuggled deeply together within each other's arms. It had been fairly easy to realize my love for Jack…but for Jack it was a constant struggle that nearly drove me mad as I waited for him to come to terms with it. On certain days he loved me and wouldn't be afraid to admit it to me and then on others he would ignore me…avoid me…and truth be told it nearly killed me. I never had a problem with coming out to the others. I was gay and that was the way that I was supposed to be. Some accepted my lifestyles…some didn't and still others pretended to accept it…but I didn't care about any of them. I was who I was and that was all there was to it. Jack chose to keep his homosexuality to himself and me…that was until Sawyer caught us making love on the beach one night and outed him to the entire camp. After that everything seemed fine…he was out...we admitted out love freely and I had never been happier. However…I am getting off topic here. We woke with a start at the sound of voices calling out to us. Strange voices that belong to strange looking men dressed in orange and black uniforms.

Jack had us to our feet in an instant…him standing before me with his arms spread wide as if in protection of me. "Who are you?" I heard him ask the faceless men as they continued to stand before us unspeaking. My heart was beating so fast within my chest that I was finding it almost impossible to breath as I waited for one of them to speak up first. The truth was that after huge monsters…Polar Bears and things that attacked in the night we were just about prepared for everything…however when they removed their masks and revealed their faces we found that we were not prepared for what we saw.

"I am Commander James Mackey…we are here to rescue you and anyone else on this island" We heard him speak as one by one the rest of the men removed their masks…smiles upon their faces.

"OMG…Jack did you hear?" I cried out…jumping up and down as I grabbed onto his out stretched arms for support. "Their here to rescue us. We're going home Jack…were going home" My cries of happiness continued as I pulled him into my arms as pure and utter relief began to rain over me…only to ebb away a little bit as I pulled back and took my first look at my somber lover. "Jack…" I said slowly…my heart once again picking up speed at the dead look within his eyes as he looked down at me.

"We have to get everyone together" I heard his words behind me as he pushed past me before walking away from me altogether. I watched in stunned silence as he disappeared from sight…not having any clue as to what had just happened and why.

"Come on son…let's get you to the boat" Commander Mackey said…laying his hand gently upon my shoulder as he steered me towards the path that Jack had just taken. The rest of the morning was a huge blur as all the survivors rushed around the island collecting this and that as mementos and reminders because we knew that after that day we would never lay eyes upon that stretch of beach again. Several hours had passed since the men had found us and I had caught sight of Jack from time to time as he helped some of the others…but not once did he ever acknowledge my very existence. Refusing to give into my hurt and fear I did as he and helped the others as trip after trip was made upon a small rubber boat that brought them to a much larger ship. I opted to wait until just about everyone else was safely aboard before I took what was to be the last trip of the smaller boat…somehow ending up sitting beside my grim faced boyfriend.

Not a word was spoken as we sped along the waves of the ocean towards our salvation. In fact no one was speaking as our eyes lingered on the strange island that had been our capture for three long years. I found that I was going to miss it somewhat…since not everything had been horrible and unhappy since we had arrived there. It was because of that crash that I had met and fell in love with the man that was sitting beside me. It was where bonds were formed…bonds that any other time would never have made it to the surface. We all formed a friendship…a family and it was one that would withstand the tests of time because there was nothing that we all couldn't handle after being stranded on a deserted island for as long as we had. Most of us survived to see the dawn of our rescue…others did not. My eyes lingered on the makeshift graves off to one side of the island. Sawyer…Kate…Locke and Boone…some killed in bizarre and strange ways…two of them to this day we still have no idea how they died…just that we had found Sawyer and Kate dead at the bottom of a cliff. I would miss them…despite the anger I felt at the way that they died…but I knew that I could not dwell on the past and had to focus upon the future.

"Did I do something wrong to upset you" I whispered against Jack's ear…afraid to touch him…but dying to just the same. I still had no idea what was going on in Jack's mind…well maybe I had inkling and yet I still refused to believe it because I knew that Jack loved me.

He didn't say a word a first…just looked at me with this blank stare that completely unnerved me…so much so that it cased me to move even further away from him. "We need to talk…but just not right now ok Charlie" he spoke above the whipping winds that surrounded us as the fear in my heart doubled in size. The rest of the day was spent assisting others as they were loaded onto the boat…medical checks to ensure that none of us were sick or carrying any diseases. I didn't have time to think about the way that Jack had been acting as Commander Mackey enlisted me to be his shadow and help out where needed. I didn't mind…he was a nice bloke and it kept my mind busy on other things. I was the last to be inspected if you will and once I was given a clean bill of health I was escorted to a small room by Commander Mackey.

"Thanks…" I mumbled as I stumbled my way inside…smiling wide at the sight I saw before me. "OMG…" I laughed…falling onto it as I enjoyed my first feel of softness underneath my backside. "Do you know how long it's been since I've slept on a bed…with pillows no less" I continued to laugh as I picked up the pillows and laid my head upon it as I continued to sit up. "This was the one thing that Jack was always complaining about…not having a pillow to lay his head upon. However…most times he used me as…" I cut myself off as the sadness that I had been holding at bay hit me square in the eye. "Um…yeah…sorry mate" I stammered…laying the pillows back where I had found them before turning my head so he could not see my tears.

"He'll come around" I heard Commander Mackey say as I turned to face him with a look of shock upon my face.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"We found you wrapped up in each others arms this morning remember?" He grinned down at me with a blush across his face. "It's just a lot to take in being rescued and all. Just give him time and it will all work out" He said with a wink before taking his leave. Laying backwards I closed my eyes and hoped and prayed that his words were true…that Jack just needed time to get used to everything before he and I resumed our relationship.

"What the hell was he doing here?" I heard the person I was just thinking about voice boom loudly before me.

"Bloody Christ Jack…you are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I cried out…pouting as I sat up on the bed. "What are you doing here anyways?" I bit out in a pure sulk as I looked up at where he continued to stand before the door. "You didn't have time to talk to me before and I'm to tired to talk to you now." I went on with my theatrics…only to have the curtain close upon them as he lunged towards me. I didn't have a change to react as I was tossed backwards across the softness of the bed…his body pressing hot and heavy atop my own. We made love that night for the first time upon a bed and it was the most amazing bout of love making we had ever shared. Afterwards…we laid together…neither of us saying a word and yet I knew that something was bothering Jack and it was something big. "Jack…what's wrong luv?" I asked…laying beside him as I laid my hand upon my cheek and stared up at him.

"Nothing…" He lied as he looked at me for only a moment before developing a fascination with the ceiling.

I didn't want to push him after the way that he had acted all day before that…so I just pushed past my concerns as I laid my head upon his chest…my hand tracing his jutted ribcage. "I still can't believe that we've been rescued" I spoke into his chest…his body tensing immediately at my words and yet I continued because I knew that I had found Jack's point of upset. "I can't wait to go back home to England and see my family again. I can't wait for them to meet you…because I knew that they are just going to love you"

"Charlie…" I heard him say my name as he sat forward…forcing me to sit up with him as he moved his gaze towards the bottom of the bed.

"I can't wait to meet you family as well. Don't worry though luv…I'll make sure that they fall head over heels in love with me like you are" I cooed against his ear…laying my hand in his lap…only to have it jerked off as if it had burned him. "But I guess we have to decide where we are going to live first. I know that you have your practice and everything in California and I don't have anything waiting for me back in England really. I'd be willing to live with you in Los Angeles…all you have to do is ask and…"

"Charlie…wait" I heard him cry out as he climbed completely out of the bed…sitting off to the side as he began to dress.

My heart was ready to break as he stood up once he was dressed and finally turned to face me. I knew what was coming next as I prepared myself for the shock of being dumped. However…it turned out to be much worse then I expected. "Jack…" I questioned fearfully…bracing myself for the worst.

"I can't do this…" Those words sprayed from his mouth…hitting me directly in the heart as the breath I had been holding was literally sucked out of my throat.

"I don't…I don't understand. I thought you loved me…you told me you loved me" I cried out in a panic as I too jumped off the bed and went in search for my clothes. Other words were spewed past my lips as I mumbled to myself but I was too much in shock and way to fucking hurt to make any sense of them.

"I do love you Charlie…honestly I do" He defended…rushing around the bed as he pulled me into his strong arms. "I wasn't lying when I said those words to you the first time and they mean as much to me now as they did before"

"I don't understand then…" I sobbed against his chest as he continued to hold me…my hands clinging to his shoulders with so much force that I knew his dark skin would be marked. "What can't you do then?" Tears bled from my eyes as he sat down on the bed…taking me with him…once again not saying anything. It felt like forever before he spoke…me sniffling like a child as I sat alone and scared beside him.

"They don't know that I'm gay" He almost whispered as he once again got up and began to pace the tiny room. "In fact…I've got a fiancée' who is probably still waiting for me to come back to her. We had it all…the perfect life…we were the perfect match and I knew that our lives were going to be happy together" He went on…each word bringing forward a picture perfect couple to my minds eye…except for the male of the two preferred to suck my cock and shove his dick up my arse instead of what normal hetro males do.

"So what…now that we are going back to the real world…you can just throw away everything that we have between us?" I questioned…anger and upset over taking my sadness as he stopped his pacing and turned to face me with a look that said it all.

"Yes…" He replied with no real emotion behind that word before tying to defend it. "I'm not like you Charlie. I'm not an out and proud homosexual…who doesn't give two shits what others think about his lifestyle. You saw how hard it was for me to come out on the island and that was only because Sawyer had caught us that night. In L.A. I kept that part of my life a secret from everyone…including my fiancée' and especially my family. I can't do this to them…can't hurt them with this" He gestured between the two of us…unable to say the words"

"You selfish son of a bitch" I cut him off before he could say anything else to upset me. "Get out…get the fuck out and don't you dare speak another word to me…ever" My screams got louder as I grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt in full out anger and literally tossed him out of my cabin. Leaning against the small door…I waited to see what would happen after that…hoping and praying the Jack would realize how much he had hurt me and beg for my forgiveness. Instead…I heard him trudging away before the silence over came me and I wept as if I had lost everything in my entire world…because it sure as hell felt as if I had.

For the next week we were forced to stay in a huge military hospital…where we were examined by too many doctors for me to even remember and interviewed by just about every media known to man. We were celebrities of sorts and as much as I loved the lime light before that fateful crash on the island…I hated every minute of it afterwards. It had been days since I had spoken to Jack and I didn't think that I could feel any lower…but I was wrong. He came to me one night before we were set to give one of our last televised interviews before being allowed to go back to our families. I tried to be mean and nasty…making him hurt as much as I was hurting but as you can guess that never happened. Instead…the moment that he came into my room I feel into his arms…begging for him to make love to me. That round of love making that night was amazing as he did things to my body that had me flying above the cosmos…but I knew that my happiness wouldn't last long. Afterwards…he told me that he loved me and that he would always love me…but that he was going back home the following morning. He had talked to his fiancée' and as he had predicted she had waited for him and wanted to get their life back on track. I didn't say anything as he apologized over and over again for hurting me…because there was nothing that I could say to make him change his mind. He left me early that morning after another round of love making. I skipped the taping that morning as I escaped as fast as I could out of that hospital and took the first flight back to London that I could find.

It was another three years before I saw Jack again and nothing much had changed for me before I got stranded on the island. I hooked up with some of the old members of Drive Shaft and we started the band up again. We were an instant hit…the news of my surviving a plane crash and two years of living on an island helping us along the way. I tried to stay clean and sober…but life on the road is tough and fourteen months in I started using again. Between drinking…drugs and sleeping my way through the gay populace I should have been in heaven…but I was more miserable then I had ever been before. I hit rock bottom on the two year anniversary of our rescue as I intentionally took an overdose of pain killers…washing them down with a bottle of vodka. My cleaning lady found me face down in my own vomit hours later and if not for her quick thinking I would not be here telling this story today.

It was after that terrible incident that the band broke apart after I checked myself into rehab. I was depressed and willing to just let my life pass away…but thankfully with the help of some friends I was able to bounce back.

Hurly and Shannon just popped back into my life without warning and as much as I was surprised to see them…it turned out to be a great and much needed surprise just the same. They were expecting and wanted me to be a part of their as well as their babies life. I had kept in touch with the two of them off and on since our rescue…but I never really figured that they thought as highly of me as did and I was glad for it. With their help and their love they pulled me out of my depression…getting me back on track with my life. Don't get me wrong I still missed Jack…could even admit that I still loved Jack without wanting to slit my wrist…which helped to make the pain that was present even more tolerable. I felt as if I could take on the world and anything that it wanted to throw my way and boy was that theory challenged when I received a an engagement announcement from none other then the man who had been the root of all my problems.

"I can't believe that mother fucker had the nerve to send you an announcement after all the shit that he has put you through" I heard Hurly speak in full anger…so unlike his normal persona as we sat around the supper table on the night before they were scheduled to return to America.

"Calm down baby" I heard Shannon say calmly as she sat beside him…resting her hand upon his arm in an attempt to sooth him. "Maybe it's a signal…maybe he's trying to get your attention so you'll go to him and make him rethink that biggest mistake of his life" She went on and I had to laugh at her words…despite the fact that a small part of me had been thinking that same exact thing.

"Shan…I love you baby…but I think that you have been reading too many of those romance novels of yours" Hurley laughed as well…leaning over and kissing her tenderly upon the side of her golden hair. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I continued to look at them…remembering how it was that these two…different as night and day…ended up together and more in love that normal people should be able to.

It was amazing really that those two should have gotten together at all…but at the same time nothing was as it seemed on that island anyways. Early on her and Sayid had some sort of strange romance going on…one that made even less sense then the one that she was in now. I don't know all the reasons as to why they eventually fell apart…but I know that it was Hurly that picked up the pieces and put her back together again. I guess somewhere along the lines she realized what a great man Hurley was and how much he had changed her life and it was them that she allowed herself to be truly happy and fall in love with him. They never made any huge announcement…but you could tell by looking at them that they were head over heels in love and I was happy for them. I knew what it was like to be in love with someone since I was bonkers for Jack and I wished them only peace and happiness because of it.

"I think that I am going to go to bed" I said as they continued to bicker playfully back and forth…because in truth it was starting to give me a headache.

"Bed…" Shannon cried out as she looked at the wall clock over my head. "It's not even seven o'clock yet. Jesus Charlie it's our last night in Manchester. Hurley…do something"

"Well what do you want me to do…glue him to the chair" Hurley came back smartly and I knew that they were about to have another one of their famous rows as I grabbed the announcement and took my leave to my room. It was there as I read it over and over again that I allowed myself to truly fall apart. I couldn't stop looking at the picture on the front of the announcement of the two of them together…and seemingly so happy. She was beautiful…there was no denying that as she clung to Jack's arm with a blinding smile upon her delicate features. Jack looked amazing as well…dressed to the nines in a black tailored suit that accentuated his manliness. He looked as handsome as I remembered him to be and despite the fact that I didn't want it to be true…I finally admitted to myself that I was still in love with Jack Shepherd.

I saw Hurley and Shannon off the next day and aside from losing Jack those many years before hand…it was one of the hardest things I had to deal with. There were tears shed and promises of keeping in touch and getting together soon…but we each knew that with life you just never knew when things were going to pan out again. I went home after their plane took flight and locked myself behind closed door for months on end…feeling lonely and sorry for myself. I felt as if I had no one in the world to fall back on and even contemplated drugs and the drink again…but amazingly I held strong. I had figured that I would just rot away in my humble little cottage until death took me away…but then something happened that once again was going to chance my life and I couldn't let it go by without at least giving it a chance.

It just so happened that I answered the phone by mistake that day…because up until that time it was my house keeper who answered my calls and took my messages. I had sent her out on an early morning errand and after many attempts to ignore the blasted thing…I finally gave up and answered it. The person on the other end was an American reporter that wanted to do an interview and reunion special with all the survivors of the crash two years later. They wanted to know what everyone was up too and how their lives had faired since the rescue. There was promises of first class accommodations all around and yet I still declined. I wanted nothing to do with a reunion…wanted nothing to do with the entire situation despite the fact that I missed everyone terribly. However…something told me as ask who had agreed to her request so far and much to my surprise and shock everyone…including Jack had agreed. I didn't delay a moment longer after that bit of information as I accepted her offer and took down all the information for my travel and lodging.

I arrived in Los Angeles on a bright and sunny morning as I exited the plane and fell into the arms of the two people I missed the most…except for Jake. It was no surprise to learn that Shannon and Hurley were living in L.A. and even happier and more in love then the last time I had seen them in England. I fell in love for the second time in my entire life as I was introduced to their infant daughter…tears coming to my eyes as it was reveled to me that she was my namesake. I felt horrible for not making any attempt to come and visit them after I had heard of her birth…but they just brushed it off after excessive apologizing. Charlene (Charlie) Elizabeth Rutherford-Reyes was a beauty unlike I had ever seen before. She was the spitting image of her mother…with notable qualities from her father as well. She locked eyes with me the moment that I held her and I knew that I was going to be a part of her life for however I was able to grace her with my presence.

"So what shall we do first?" I heard Hurley ask as we sped down the expressway.

"Why don't you let him get settled first before you start making plans for him….besides he's going to be busy as hell once everyone gets a hold of him for being such a stranger" Shannon teased…grinning at me through the rearview mirror as I played tug of war with Charlie. I knew what was coming next as I settled back and vaguely listened to their playful banter. There was only one place that I wanted to go…the problem was that I didn't know if I had the nerve to go there or not. We ended up spending the rest of the evening at their place and I had a lovely time just the same. However…my mind kept wandering to another place and another person. I don't know if it was planned…or if it was just a coincidence…but somehow Hurley and Shannon ended up living just a few scant miles from Jack and his fiancée and knowing that alone was making me irritated and fidgety.

"You ok?" I heard Hurley ask me as he came out onto the deck of his home where I had been sitting alone after I thought that they had all gone to bed.

"He's so close and yet so far" I said lamely…but I knew that he understood where I was coming from.

"Yeah…" He replied with a shake of his head as he sat on a nearby lounge chair…the two of us taking in the gorgeous view of the beach before us. "I didn't even know that he lived around here until Shannon rear ended him with the car" He chuckled…looking over at me with a playful smile upon his face. "I though I was going to hit the roof at the amount of damage that she had done…but it was all worth it when she told me who she had hit and how much damage she had inflicted to him and his car"

"What…really?" I asked astonished and dying to know all the bloody details. "What happened?"

"Well as you know we bought that house right after we came back from visiting you…at Shannon's insistence mind you. I wanted to move back to Texas and live out our lives there…but she insisted that she wanted to live in L.A. You know me…I'm a pushover when it comes to her and so we started looking for a house. We looked and we looked and we looked…" He droned on about shit that I didn't care about because I was dying to hear any little tidbit about Jack. "Anyway…" He cut himself off once realizing that I wasn't really listening to his rambling about houses. "We were in the process of moving in and Shannon insisted that she go and get some takeout for the movers. Well…she's not gone more then like ten minutes and I get this frantic phone call from her that she's been in an accident. I'm trying like hell to figure out where she is so I can get to her and then all of a sudden I hear her screaming bloody murder as the phone drops to the ground. I couldn't make out the words…but I knew that she was angry as hell and that it wasn't going to end pretty. I raced out of the house and went in search of her…finding her at a four way stop mere blocks from the house…on the back on some guy as she pounded the shit out of him. I wasn't sure what the hell was going on as I jumped out of my car and pulled her off of him…intending to continue where she left off if he had hurt her in any way…only to find that it was none other then…"

"Jack…" I finished for him…my heart catching in my chest as I said his name aloud for the first time in years.

"Right…turns out that she was in the wrong…but once she realized who it was that she had hit…the anger over took her and she lost it"

"Why…why would she attack him like that" I asked…not understanding what Jack had done to deserve what he had gotten…but enjoying it none the less.

"He hurt you Charlie…" Hurley stated plainly. "She thinks very highly of you…despite the crap you have done to yourself in the past" He went on before I had a chance to down myself. "She…we…love you man…don't you ever forget that. The fact is that if it had been me that had ran into him he would have gotten the same thing…even worse"

I was completely gobsmacked at the amount of love and respect I was receiving from those two…because lord knows that I never really went out of my way to deserve it. "I love you too man" I wept openly as I slide off of the lounge chair…pulling him into a manly hug after pulling him off of his own.

"Don't be out here to long…you've had a long flight and need your rest" He scolded me like a child as he pulled away from me and entered the house.

"Yes Dad…" I laughed…giving him a nod before turning back towards the beach. I knew that Hurly was right…knew that I should have taken his advice and gone to sleep…but I was to wired for that. Instead I walked the shoreline most of the night…wondering which house it was that Jack was sleeping in…sharing a bed with a person that wasn't me. Sleep finally got the best of me hours later as I headed back towards their house…settling back onto the lounge chair before slumber over took me fully.

I woke the next morning with Shannon screaming on and on about what a nut I was for sleeping outside…but I just smiled and tried to ignore her. I had made some decisions about how I was going to handle the Jack situation and there was much to do before hand. Mid rant I cut her off as I asked to borrow the car for the day…claiming the need to check in on old friends…but there was only one old friend that I was longing to see. I wasn't lying when I said I had much to do as I raced down the familiar streets of L.A….completely amazed that nothing much had changed since my early Drive Shaft days. I knew where I had to go and what I had to do as I parked the car and headed towards a spa I had visited many times years before hand. I got it all…the full treatment package…including a haircut that even I had to admit made me look quite handsome. Hours later I was completely refreshed and ready to hit round two of my activities. I had forgotten how much I had loved to shop as I entered the highly expensive men's clothing store and began to shop as if my life depended on it. I wanted to look handsome…wanted to look dashing…wanted to make Jack Shepherd fall at my feet as he looked upon me for the first time in three years…and I knew that the clothes that I had picked out would do the trick. I had a song in my heart and a whistle across my lips as I entered back into their home…smiling broadly as they took in the new and improved Charlie Pace.

"So you're really going to go through with it then?" I heard Hurley asked me later on that night as we once again sat out on the deck.

"I have to" I answered truthfully…not even trying to hide my real intentions because there was no denying that I was still pining over him like a sad bastard.

"For the record…I think what you are doing is only going to hurt you in the end. He nearly crushed you the last time…what makes you think that he won't try and do it again this time?" He asked and I had to think about my answer for a moment before I spoke.

"I guess I don't" Once again I spoke in truth as I looked over at him…giving him a small shrug because I truly had no idea that he wouldn't. "I guess this is a test" I went on…weighing my words wisely before speaking once again. "A test to prove if we truly belong together or not. I love him Hurley…there's no denying that and I think that I won't be able to really get on with my life until I know good and sure that there's no hope for us"

"He doesn't deserve you…or a second chance…but I understand why you have to do this" He replied…his lips pursed together as he stared out into the horizon. "I wish only the best for you Charlie…you know that…right?"

"I do…" Was my simple reply as I too gazed out across the expanse of the ocean…my mind flying in about twenty different direction as I planned my first meeting with the man of my heart.

My head and my heart raged a bitter batter as I stood outside of Jack's home…trying for the life of me to remember why it was that I had to see him again. I was sweating like a pig and my heart was pounding so hard within my ears that I felt as if I were going deaf. I was about to turn back when the door opened and a almost perfect replica of a Barbie doll stood before me. "Can I help you?" She questioned…eyeing me as if she knew what I was up too…or even who I was.

I tried to speak…but I couldn't find my voice as I opened and closed my mouth several times before once again thinking of taking my leave. However…what I heard next stopped me dead in my tracks. "Who is it honey?" The man whom had been the love of my life asked as he stepped up behind his fiancée'…his own mouthing hanging open once he figured out who I was. "Charlie…" He said my name in almost a whisper before he flew out the door and past the now silent women. "OMG…Charlie…" His cries continued as he swept me into his arms…crushing me to his chest as I closed my eyes and savored the smell…the very feel of him once again.

"Charlie…it's so good to finally meet you" I vaguely heard the women speak…too caught up to realize that I was no longer in Jack's arms…but in hers. "Jack's told me so much about you that I feel as if I already know you" She went on as I locked my shocked eyes onto Jack's…realizing quite quickly that she didn't know everything about me…like how I had been Jack's lover for two whole years. "Come in…come in and lets get reacquainted" She blabbered on…taking my hand as she led us into a spacious house. Their home was amazing as I was given the guided tour and I wondered for a brief moment if things had gone differently…if that would have all been mine. I didn't allow my mind to wander long because despite all the years that had pasted I found that the pain was still very fresh. Jack's fiancée' was the perfect host as she explained the decor…the family heirlooms and then offered refreshments at the end of the tour. I was in dire need of something heavy and hard…but I had to be satisfied with the iced tea that she brought instead. Afterwards we just sat in the parlor…none of us speaking a word until the nameless women finally introduced herself. "Well since it seems that Jack has forgotten how to speak let me introduce myself" She said as she smiled over at Jack and then turned what seemed to be a fake smile at me. "I'm Barbara Elizabeth Renee Appleton…but my friends call me Barbie" I couldn't help but choke on the sip of tea I had decided to take at that time as I looked over and saw Jack grinning at me…because I already knew that he knew what I was thinking.

"Um honey…didn't you have to meet the girls at the club?" I heard him speak up as he got up off of the chair he had been sitting on and assisted her off of the settee she had been sitting on. I could tell that she wasn't happy about it…but she left just the same…leaving Jack and I alone for the very first time in almost three years. "You look good Charlie" I heard him say as I turned to find him leaning against the doorframe of the room…just staring at me as if I were his last meal.

"Thanks…" Was all I could mutter uncomfortably as I continued to watch him. "You look…" I paused for a moment because I wasn't sure how to describe what he looked like to me. Don't get me wrong I was ecstatic to see him again after so long…but it seemed that the years had not been so good to him. He looked tired…exhausted even…with hints of this beginning to show on his face. In his hair small tufts of gray hair shimmered through normally dark strands.

"Tired…exhausted…older" He finished for me…smiling tiredly as he made his way over towards the couch…sitting down beside me once he had. "The years have not been as kind to me as they have been to you" He said with a sad laugh as he turned to face me…sitting so close that I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. Slowly he reached out to cup my face…my eyes closing for a moment as I savored the feel of his flesh upon my flesh once again…only to jerk back a moment later at my delayed anger.

"You think that the years have been kind to me Jack?" I yelled out…moving as far across the other room as I could without actually leaving it. "This…" I indicated with my hands as I moved them up and down the front of my body. "This is a full day at a spa…covered up by expensive clothes in order to put on the appearance that life for me is so great. You have no idea the hell that my life has been since we left the island…no bloody idea" I lost myself in that exact moment as tears I didn't even know were hiding hit me full force…leaving me blubbering like an infant. "I've been a bloody train wreck Jack…don't you know that?"

"Me too…I'm so sorry Charlie" He responded as he flew to my side…pulling me into his arms and who was I to deny what I truly wanted. I latched onto him with a strength that I didn't even know that I possessed and as far as I was concerned I wasn't letting go any time soon. His lips found mine a moment later as I parted my own lips and gave into anything that he wanted to give me. I wanted to put up a fight…I really did…but there was no way that I could. I had gone there for that very purpose and as his tongue invade my mouth I knew that there was no going back. "Bedroom?" He whispered with such hope and need in his eyes after breaking our kiss.

"Yes…" I hissed as I wrapped my arms around his neck once again and covered his lips with my own…our hardening dicks coming in contact with each other for the first time in years. Intertwining our fingers he led the way upstairs and into a grand bedroom suite…that if not so horny I would have been jealous over. I knew that it was their room…knew that what we were about to do was wrong and yet I couldn't have stopped the momentum even if I wanted too. "Make love to me Jack" I pleaded with him as I fell head first into the abyss of his scent…his touch…the feel of him as he touched me in ways that I had been dreaming about for so long. I could see that he hadn't lost his touch as he stripped us of our clothes in mere seconds…causing me to laugh despite the seriousness of the situation. "I see you haven't lost your touch"

He laughed too as he gazed down at me with such love in his eyes that he caused my throat to constrict. "I was always in such a rush to make love to you that I couldn't help myself" He replied in a voice that sounded almost dreamy as I once again fought the urge to bawl like a baby right before him…because ever word that he spoke was true.

My world was in a constant battle as it spun and weaved crazily around me as he laid me upon the bed. Our bodies fused together in brilliant remembrance as he laid atop me…knee between my legs as he kissed and fondled me in ways I had dreamed about for years. He explored every inch of my body with his hands…his mouth…his tongue until I was crying out in loud abandon. There was no time to think about what we were actually doing…no time to realize that in the end we were only going to end up hurt once again…because all that matter was what was going on at that very time and place.

Afterwards we just lied there…bodies entwined…fingers connected as we took in the silence around us. "I've really missed you Charlie" He broke that silence as he shifted forward until he was looking down on me. "You've been all I've been thinking about since that last morning together" Tears glistened in his eyes as he reached over and ghosted his fingers over my lips and quivering chin. "Leaving you like that was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do and I have regretted it ever since. Every day I would wonder how you were doing…what you were up too…who you were seeing" I wanted to scream at him to shut up…to not ruin the moment and make love to me once again…but I could tell that Jack needed his own moment just like I did going over there. "I saw that you started the band up again" He grinned…turning it into a full fledged smile a moment later. "I purchased all of your albums and know them word for word…even Heart Killer" His smile disappeared…replaced by a frown and a look of pure hurt. "I know that song was written and dedicated to me" Tears once again began to swim around his eyes as he rolled onto his back…leaving me cold in so many ways.

"Yeah…it was" I agreed…because how could I deny the clear and obvious truth. The words poured from my heart and through my fingers the entire flight back to England…becoming our first chart topper there and in the America's as well. "I was angry and I was hurt and I needed to work through those emotions the only way that I could…well aside from the drugs and alcohol" I chuckled sadly…rolling onto my side so that I was now looking down on him. "I never wanted to hurt you Jack" I lied and he knew that I was lying as he gazed up at me with a small smile upon his face.

"We both know that's a out right lie" He chuckled…but I could hear the sadness behind it. "It's ok baby…I know that I deserved it…that and a lot more"

I knew that we could have stayed there all day and night and went on with the playful and hurtful banter…but I knew that I could not. I was growing restless and I needed to know once and for all if Jack was willing to take a stand and be the man that I needed him to be. "Jack…" I whispered his name…taking in the scared and frightened look upon his face…giving me the answer that I already knew. "I have to go" I opted to give him an easy out and not ask the question that I am sure he knew was coming.

 

"Charlie…please don't" He begged…pulling me into his arms as he rolled me onto my back…beginning to kiss me. "Please don't tell me that you are leaving…I couldn't bare it if you did" He went on…breaking my heart and angering me in the process as I pushed him away and began to gather my clothes.

"Nothing changed Jack" I cried out over my shoulder…tears blazing down my face once again. "You love me…I know this because I can read it in your eyes…but you still aren't willing to admit who you are to the world. I can't and I won't live like this…I won't hide who I am or what I am because of the love that I hold for you. I had hoped that you would realize your love for me when you saw me and realized what a mistake you had made…and you did" I cut him off before he could say another word. "But it changes nothing" I defended my actions as I finished dressing and began to walk away from him and the bed we had just shared. "You can't be the man that I need you to be Jack and I won't go into hiding for you…I can't"

He didn't say anything…just made his way slowly over to me…pulling me into his arms as we cried together over fate and its cruelness. I kissed him long and thoroughly after that…taking in the last look of the man whom would always hold my heart…before leaving him standing there tearful and alone. "I had hoped that this part of his life was over" I heard someone speak…nearly causing me to have a heart attack as I tried to escape through the kitchen of their home. "The part where he is gay and still head over heels in love with you" She went on sadly…downing a glass of wine that was sitting before her before turning her attention to me. "I had hoped that everything could have gone back to the way that it was before he took that flight and became lost for all those years…but it seems that it hasn't. You had to come back into his life and confuse him again…make him realize that I can never be the person that he wants me to be…you"

"I'm sorry…" I replied honestly as I wiped at the tears once again streaming down my face but for another reason. "I never once stopped to think that this would affect you adversely. I had a once track mind and because of it I hurt you. You can never know how sorry I am to have done that to you Barbie"

"Jack always said that you had a heart of gold…that you would never hurt anyone intentionally because you would always hurt as much as they did in the end" She went on…pouring herself another drink…filling another glass as she pushed it across the counter towards me. "I can see now that his words were true"

"I really should go" I tried to take my leave once again…but she continued to speak as I gave into my fate and sat across the counter from her.

"He still loves you…you know" She said…pulling her eyes away from my own for a moment as she tried to compose herself. "He claims to love me…and in a sense I'm sure that he does…but it will never be in the way that he loves you. You are his everything Charlie and I suppose that you always will be"

"We can never be…you and he can" I spoke up…despite the fact that it was killing me to do so. "He does love you Barbie…I can see it in his eyes as he speaks of you" I fibbed…tying like hell to make her feel better…though I doubted that nothing I said ever could.

"Yes…he does love me…but like a man who loves his sister…or cousin. He doesn't love me with an all fired passion…doesn't love him with his whole heart and soul…because since the island he's only been able to give that to you"

I downed the entire glass of wine after those words because they were too painful to witness stone cold sober…regretting it immediately as the urge to vomit washed over me. Swallowing several times…I controlled the urge before speaking again.

"None of that matters now" I replied with a softness in my voice that I hoped she could understand. "I'm leaving for England tomorrow evening…with intentions of never seeing him again. I love him…there is no way for me to deny that but you and I both know that you are the only one who can give him what he truly needs. He wants a wife and a family…he wants the perfect life and being with me is far from that perfect world. I know that it was wrong for me to come back into his life like I did…but you have to understand that I had to know once and for all. Jack will always hold a piece of my heart…but now I know that I can move on from him…no matter how much that it might kill me at first. If you love him Barbie…then love him with your whole heart…but if you're having doubts then do what you think is the correct thing to do" I didn't speak another word as I slide off of the stool I had been sitting on and kissed her tenderly upon the cheek before taking my leave. With a heavy heart and heavy footsteps I made my way towards the back door…only to stop when I came face to face with a tearful Jack. I knew that he had heard every word…but I wasn't willing to take any of them back. His eyes were filled with tears as he locked them on my own…letting me know that he understood why I was leaving him once and for all…why I had said the things that I said to his future wife and then he walked away. I locked myself in the room I was staying in at Hurley and Shannon's place as I cried myself to sleep over my broken and yet some what freed heart.

Jack didn't show up at the interview the next day as I expected he wouldn't…but it didn't bother me as much as I had expected. I felt as if a huge bolder had been lifted from my shoulders…felt as if I was free to take charge of my life once again and that was exactly what I was going to do once I got myself back to England. It was nice to see everyone again…nice to know that despite my many years absence that they still loved and accepted me as they had on the island so many years before hand. It was hard to let them go once again at the end…but I was dying to get back home so I could let myself heal a little more fully before trying to make some necessary decisions in my life.

Someone unexpected came back into my life nearly six months after I got back and it was someone that helped to change my life for the better on many levels. Commander James Mackey just showed up on my door out of the blue one afternoon and it was quite a few years later before he left again.

The day started out as any other. I got up…ate some breakfast and then went about my morning chores. I heard someone knock at the door…but didn't think anything of it since from time to time a few "Drive Shaft" fans would find me and decide to have a visit. I didn't mind it much because it reminded me that despite the fact that they didn't truly know me…people still cared. "Pardon me Mr. Charlie…" I heard my house keeper speak as she entered my office. "There is a James Mackey to see you" I knew that I had heard that name before…but for the life of my couldn't place it as I got up from my desk and made my way into the hallway.

"Holy shit…" I exclaimed as I entered the room and found the man whom had been our rescuer standing before me.

"Hey Charlie…" Commander James Mackey grinned at me…nearly losing his balance as I rushed forward and pulled him into my arms.

"Bloody hell…what are you doing here?" I asked once I had gotten control enough of myself. "I never thought that I would see you again" I laughed…smacking him on the back as I led him deeper into my home. "Sit…sit" I indicated towards the sofa…nodding towards the house keeper to bring us some refreshments. "Jesus…" I grinned as I sat down across from him…biting nervously at my thumb nail. "It's good to see you…and out of uniform no less" I teased taking in a really good look of the man before me. He looked so different from what I had remembered and I even had to admit it to myself…so handsome. "So what brings you to England?"

"Retirement actually" He said with a laugh as he looked at the room around him. "I officially retired about six months ago and decided to do some traveling. I was sitting in a hotel room in Spain one day and I happened upon the last interview you gave…it made me wonder about you and what you were up to" He said with a blush…myself blushing as thankfully Anita walked into the room with refreshments. "I was able to get in touch with a few of the other survivors and they told me where I could find you"

"Shannon wouldn't have happened to be one of those survivors?" I asked…grinning from ear to ear because I knew the work of Shannon without even being told.

"Um…well…yeah" She practically insisted that I come out and visit you. Um…not that I didn't want to mind you" He rushed out…blushing once again as he stared across the room at me. "She told me about Jack…I'm really sorry Charlie. I know how much you loved him"

"Yes…well Jack and I were able to make peace with one another so to speak" I spoke…truly not wanting to talk about Jack for the first time in a long time. "It's over for good and that's the way that it should be. So…" I rushed out a bit too loudly…causing us to both laugh at it. "Where are you staying?" I asked…trying once again not to blush like such a schoolgirl…but finding it almost impossible at the way that he was staring at me.

"Um.." He stammered again…breaking his gaze as he found fascination with the floor at his feet. "Actually I just got into town and haven't really found a place to stay. I guess that I should just go…I've bothered you enough. It was really nice to see you Charlie…you look amazing. Um…yeah take care of yourself" I watched in stunned amazement and shock as he just got up and started to walk away…but the truth was that I wasn't ready to just let him walk in and out of my life again so quickly.

"You'll stay here for a long as you want. I'll have someone get your bags" I piped up…rushing over towards him as I placed a hand upon his shoulder to stop him…not giving him a chance to turn down my offer.

It was nice to have someone staying with me even though he had only said it to be a short while. James was a nice distraction from the boring that had become my life. I grew quite fond of him over the first few weeks that he stayed and it was nice. We did so much together…hiking…site seeing…just hanging around. He was exactly what I needed in my life at that time because I never once thought of Jack. I was happy…somewhat content…but I had to admit that there was a growing attraction to James Mackey that was beginning bother me. I knew that the man was as straight as they came…but it didn't help that he was so close and so beautifully handsome that he sometimes took my breath away. Weeks later I felt myself starting to draw back from him just a bit because it was getting harder and harder to keep my hands and my mouth to myself. I would come up with little ways to touch him and we won't even go into the day and evening dreams I had where he fucked me through the mattress. I was falling for him and I knew that it would only lead to more heartbreak in the end. I started becoming distant…starting acting strangely…finding anything and everything to keep myself occupied and rather quickly he caught on.

"I'm leaving tomorrow" He announced one night as we sat in the parlor listening to music.

"What…" I exclaimed upon hearing his words…but then I realized that it was probably for the best. "Oh…" I uttered instead…a dreaded heaviness in the pit of my stomach.

"It seems that I have overstayed my welcome" He started plainly and matter of factly. "You should have just told me that you did want me around anymore" His words were hard and accusing as he stared at me through slitted eyes.

"James…I never said that you've overstayed your welcome" I replied…slinking away from him because the look that he was still throwing at me was starting to get me hot and bothered and not in a good way.

"You've sure been acting like it" His accusations continued and despite the fact that I wanted to deny them…I knew that I couldn't.

"I know…but it's not for the reasons that you think" I spoke truthfully…getting up and making my way over to the sofa where he continued to sit. "I love having you here…love spending time with you…maybe too much" I added carefully…staring him straight in the eye in order to make sure that he got my drift. I expected him to run away from me kicking and screaming…but instead he did the complete opposite as he grabbed onto the back of my neck and jerked me into an awkward kiss.

"I think that we can do much better then that" He grinned at me…rubbing the back of my neck with his hand.

"Yeah…" Was all I could mutter as I gave into his urgings once again and allowed him to pull me into another kiss. It was simple and it was sweet but it held a promise of so much more. I don't know how it happened but one minute we had clothes on and then the next minute we were both completely starkers doing things to each others bodies that thought I could only dream about. He was an amazing lover maker who brought me to orgasm three times before he even came himself. "Whoa…" I sighed…still trying to catch my breath as we held each other upon the sofa afterwards.

"Jesus…I've wanted to make love to you from the first moment you opened your door to me" He whispered against my ear as he nipped at it playfully.

"Really?" I replied stumped beyond anything. "I didn't even know you were gay until just before"

"I've been gay all my life Charlie. I just had to hide it for so long that it became second nature to me. But with you…for you I don't want to hide it anymore" He was so gentle as he laid atop me…placing ghostly kisses upon my face and lips before leaning in and kissing me good and hard once again. We made love again that night and many night after that for thee wonderful years. We fell into a life together that was so unexpected that some nights as he lay sleeping beside me I would pinch myself to ensure that it was not all a dream. I never thought that I would find love again after Jack…and yet with James I did. It was a different kind of love…but one that consumed me almost as much as the love that I felt for Jack.

I didn't think that my life could have gotten any better…but then Shannon and Hurley announced that they were having another child and everything changed for us once again. I was determined not to miss the birth of this child as James and I flew back to the states to share in the special moment when that newest bundle graced this earth. It was an amazing time as I spent time with the ones that meant the most to me…while they got to know and love James the way that I did. I was happy and content and as far as I was concerned there was nothing that could ruin that special feeling I had deep down inside me…that was until Jack literally bumped back into my life.

It started out as a simple dinner at an elegant restaurant with all the people that I loved. There was much laughter…much merriment as we dined on the over priced food…Shannon opting for mineral water as Hurley…James and myself down bottle after bottle of their excellent wines. Half way through our second bottle…the call of nature hit me as I leaned in and kissed my lover fondly before excusing myself. I was all smiles as I slightly stumbled towards the loo…ignoring the strange sensations that were tickling the back of my neck. I didn't know what they were…but I was damned determined that they weren't going to ruin my good time. I expressed my bladder as quick as I could…washing my hands as I checked myself in the mirror before heading back to my table…my face growing ashen and pale as I found a pair of simmering eyes staring back at me. "Jack…" I whispered…unable to move as those eye held me hostage as he moved over towards me.

"Who is he?" He asked…breaking eye contact for a moment as he grabbed onto my arm and spun me to face him. "Who is he?" He asked again when I didn't respond. "I know I know him from somewhere…where? And what is he doing with you?" He questioned me some more…those eyes once again boring into my very soul.

I was too shocked to speak at first…but as he continued to direct his anger at me…my own anger took over. "What the fuck do you care?" I spit out…jerking my arm out of his grasp. "You made your decision to not be part of my life a long time ago Jack. Who I am with now has nothing to do with you" I bit on over my shoulder as I attempted to leave…only to have my back meet hard wall as Jack pinned me against it.

"I have every right to know what it going on in your life Charlie. You are mine…you belong to me" He spoke fiercely in my face…his hot breath raging across my already heated skin. "I love you…"

"You love me?" I cried out in shock at his brashness. "You've tossed me away more times that I want to remember Jack" I cut him off before he has a chance to say another word…because the truth is I just can't do this anymore. "I'm with James now and believe it or not I do love him. I'm happy Jack…can't you see that?" I asked…trying to get him to release me…but he had other ideas as he leaned in and attempted to kiss me. Now normally I would have given in without question…but that time as much as it pained me…I held strong. "No…" I cried out…pushing him away as I made haste for the bathroom door…running smack into the chest of my lover.

"Charlie…" He questioned me with a look of shock upon his face as he turned and found Jack standing there. "What the fuck is going on here?" He asked angrily…his eyes narrowing from Jack to myself and then back to Jack again.

"Nothing baby…" I soothed…placing my hand within his trembling one. "I just ran into Jack here and we were just saying goodbye. It was nice seeing you again Jack. Take care of yourself" I spoke to Jack…noticing the look of pain that flashed across his eyes as James placed his arm around my waist in a protective pose before leading me out the door. I didn't even bother to look back as we left the restaurant…my heart torn between the love that I still held for Jack and the love for James as well. I didn't have time to wallow about it and I was glad for it as not twenty four hours later Shannon went into labor and delivered a healthy baby boy. James and I stayed with Shannon and Hurley for another two weeks after her and the baby were released from the hospital before heading back home to England. James never mentioned what he had walked in on that evening in the men's restroom…and I never mentioned it as well. Our lives fell back into our normal routine and I was happy for it…but then fate decided to through another blow at me and this one nearly crushed me just as much as losing Jack did.

Just a few months after we returned home James started getting really massive headaches. They would start out as just simple pains across the forehead and then within minutes they were so severe that he was unable to do much of anything other then lay in our darkened bedroom. The doctors at first thought that it was just migraines and prescribed loads of different pain medications in hopes that they could control them. They would work for awhile and then just as quickly as they started we were back to square one. Once they ran out of medication options they sent him to a specialist who without a second though diagnosed him with a brain tumor. The MRI that they set him up for the previous day confirmed his findings. I was besides myself with shock and fear but the doctor assured us that he was pretty optimistic about James success rate. He wanted to begin treatment right away and within the next couple of days James was checked into the hospital and scheduled for brain surgery.

Shannon and Hurley flew to London immediately and were by my side during the entire procedure and hospital stay. Once he was released from the hospital and allowed to travel back home he began cancer treatments that for the life of me I could not understand how they were helping. After each treatment the man that I loved was rendered unable to do much of anything other then vomit excessively in between bouts of exhausted sleep. I knew how he felt in a sense since I was right knackered myself…but determined to be there for him no matter what. On several occasions he told me that he wanted me to leave him…to try and live my life without having to deal with a sick man. My incessant reply each time was that he was my life…and that they were no way in hell that I was leaving the man that I loved and who meant the world to me. He seemed to accept my answer…but I could still see the shadowing doubts that plagued his eyes when he looked at me.

Eventually the chemotherapy rounds ended and life for us got somewhat back to normal. Shannon and Hurley went back home to the states and James and I settled into as much as a normal life as possible. After our final visit to the specialist he informed us that it seemed that the cancer treatment had worked…but had also informed us that with that type of cancer there was a large chance that the growth might return. I didn't want to believe that anything like that could happen to James again…but nearly one year later the headaches started again and within the month he was back in the hospital with just a short time left to live.

The cancer had come back and this time it was determined to take control. James and I discussed the options to try and treat it once again…but basically what it boiled down to was that he would have to have surgery once again as well as another stronger and much longer run of chemotherapy with no real chance of changing much of anything. After we received the devastating news James and I went home and discussed his options more thoroughly…me being the one doing most of the discussing. I was willing to take on the cancer treatments once again…determined to kick it in the arsehole once again…but James came back with a final decision that he did not want to pursue that action. He wanted to just live out the remainder of his days at our home…staying as comfortable as possible until the time for him to leave came upon him. I was upset at his decision beyond anything I had felt before as I stormed out of the house and cried and cried for hours afterwards at just how cruel fate had been to me once again. But as it began to rain and the thunder echoed overheard…I realized just how selfish I had been in my actions. I went back home immediately and begged James for forgiveness as the two of us fell into each others arms as we gave into fate's clutches…but vowing to not give up without a fight until the very end.

His illness was long and drawn out…but I stayed by his side the entire time just as I had vowed from the beginning. We had many scares where I thought I had lost him…only to have him rushed to the hospital…narrowly escaping death before being released back into my care. He had decided that he wanted to die at home…without any grand hoopla…his friends and family at his side and that's just what we did for him. Towards the end he was pretty incoherent most of the time…but one night out of the blue he called out to me and spoke words that broke my heart and made me love him more then I ever thought possible.

"Charlie…" I heard him speak in just barely a whisper as I sat on the bed beside him…a smile upon my face because he hadn't spoken a single word or been able to acknowledge me for months before hand.

"Yes Luv…" I smiled down at him…tears in my eyes as I took his hands into my own.

"I just want you to know how much I love you and how happy you have made me. I never thought that I would find a love like yours and then there you were and you gave me your heart…you have no idea how much that means to me Charlie" He went on…his voice wavering as he gazed up at me with tears in his own eyes"

"I was lucky to find you as well" I sobbed…biting my lip to keep from losing it altogether because despite him having to say it…I knew that he was getting ready to leave me. "I never thought that I could love anyone after everything that happened with Jack but then you showed up and showed me that I was capable of loving again. I will always be grateful for that"

"Speaking of Jack…" He grinned up at me tiredly and I knew that he was beginning to fade.

"I don't want to speak of Jack" I replied…clutching his hand even tighter within my own as I brought it up to my lips and kissed it tenderly.

"Charlie…please" He begged…staring up at me with eyes loaded with tears and concern. I didn't say anything…just nodded my head as I waited for him to speak about the man who I had been cursing since the day that I left him in the men's loo all those years ago. "Forget about everything that has happened in the past and love him when he comes for you…and yes baby I know that he will come for you" He spoke up over my objections before I had a chance to speak them. "You're like a drug Charlie…once someone gets a taste for you there is no going back. Jack loves you Charlie…I could see it on the day that we rescued you and I could see it on the day that you ran into him in the bathroom in that restaurant. He will come to his senses one day and when he does I want you to promise me that you will give up the anger and the bad memories and love him with that big huge heart of yours" I was too gob smacked to do much of anything but nod once again in reply…because as far as I was concerned Jack Shepherd was never going to be a part of my life again. "Lie with me Charlie…I want to hold you" His words pulled me from my thoughts as I did what he asked and laid down beside him. "Closer…" He grinned…holding out his arms to me as I snuggled within his embrace in a way that I hadn't been able to in such a long time.

"I love you James…I want you to always remember that" I whispered against his ear…kissing his neck gently.

"I know baby…I love you too" He replied softly as he laid his cheek against my own. The room went silent for a moment as we just held onto each other…drinking in what we could while the time was present. It wasn't much long thereafter that I heard him drift off to sleep…taking his last breath as he left me alone and cold lying next to him. It was another hour before I left him because I just could not bring myself to leave his side at that moment in time. So I just laid there and held him…crying the contents of my broken heart out before leaving him and preparing for what I had been dreading since the day he had been diagnosed.

The arrangements for the funeral were already in motion once I alerted everyone of James's death. He had insured that everything be done before hand so I wouldn't have to do much of anything and on the one hand I was thankful…and yet on the other I was upset since all it gave me was time to think about the man that I had just lost. The funeral was a quiet affair with some of his family and friends…as well as each of the survivors from the island present to pay their respects….except for one. I wasn't surprised that Jack wasn't there…but then again I wasn't sure if anyone had bothered to tell him after everything that had transpired between us. The day of the funeral was a bleak and dismal day as I stood before the grave of my love…just needing to be alone after nearly fighting Shannon and Hurley off with a stick. I knew that they were worried about me…but I just wanted to spend a few moments alone to gather my thoughts and pay my last respects to the man that I not only loved…but who gave me my life back when I didn't think it was possible.

"I miss you already" I whispered as I knelt before the freshly made grave…running my hand absentmindedly across the loose soil. "I can't believe how hard it is to wake up each morning and have the realization that your not there hit me over the head again and again. I just feel so lost right now…but don't worry baby…I'll be ok" I assured through my tears a small smile on my face. "I'll be ok because you gave me the strength to move on. You will never know how much you mean to me and how thankful I am that you came into my life and gave me that life back…not only once but twice. I love you so much James and I always will…just as I know you will always love me. I don't want you to worry about me up there in heaven because I will be just fine…Hurley and Shannon are insisting on it" I laughed…still running my hand though the dampened soil. "Their moving to England…can you believe it?" I spoke to the tombstone before looking upwards at the dreary sky. "They are giving up their entire life in the America's to be near me. I assured them repeatedly that I would be ok…but you know how those two are when they gang up on me…and well I was out of my league" I giggled…stifling a sob at just how lucky I was to have each of them in my life. "I don't know how it is that a former junkie rock god was allowed to be so lucky…but I thank the heavens each day for it. I love you James and as I said before I miss you terribly. Stay out of trouble up there and try not to boss the big guy around to much" I laughed a real laugh as I placed a kiss upon the palm of my hand before laying it upon the beautiful grave stone I had picked out for him.

I felt as if my entire body weighed a ton as I lifted my exhausted frame up off of the earth and turned to take my leave…falling apart in that instant as I laid eyes on a lone figure. "Jack…" I sobbed as he rushed over towards me…catching me before I fell to the ground. He just held me as I lost what was left of my sanity…clutching at him as if he were my lifesaver and in a sense I guess he was. I cried my entire soul out in those arms until I could cry no more and was unable to do much else as he picked me up within those same strong arms and carried me towards the waiting limo. Once inside he wrapped his arms around me as tight as he could once again…knowing without saying a word just how much I just needed him to do that for me. I fell apart once again as we drove towards my home where my friends and family were waiting for me.

We sat in heavy silence once the car reached the grounds of my home…neither of us knowing what to say. My heart was torn…not only had I just lost the man that I loved…but I had a feeling that if Jack left me once again I was going to lose him for good that time and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. "I think that you better get in there" Jack finally spoke…breaking the silence around us as he shifted away from me. "Shannon is waiting for you at the door" He chuckled as he pointed out the window. Sure enough there was Shannon with her son on her hip…standing at the door with a worried look upon her face.

"Will you be coming with me?" I asked…somehow finding the strength to speak.

"No…I don't belong here" He replied as he smiled down at me with such a sad smile that it broke my heart. "I just wanted to make sure that you were ok before I went back to California. I'm really sorry about your loss Charlie" He said and I could see that he meant every word that he spoke. "I'm sorry about a lot of thing" He spoke even quieter as he turned his face away from me…looking out the opposite window.

"It's all in the past Jack" I returned…cupping his face within my hand as I turned him back to face me. "It's time to forget about all of that rubbish now and focus on the here and now…James taught me that" I smiled tearfully up at him. "I still love you Jack and I now know that no matter how much I try to deny it I always will. James knew that as well. He knew that I would always love you and that no matter how much you tried to deny it…you would always love me. We belong together Jack…fate made sure of that on the day that it stranded us on that island. We belong together and…" I repeated…pulling a much needed breath into my lungs. "And I will wait forever for you to believe it at as well…even if it takes the rest of my lifetime"

"I believe…" He rushed out on a strangled hitch of breath…tears bleeding from his eyes as I leaned up and kissed him…trying to increase the velocity of the kiss…only to have him push me away. "Charlie we can't…" He cried out…pushing me away but not releasing the grip that he held upon me.

"I know…" I smiled up at him evilly. "But soon…very very soon" Taking his hand I led the two of us out of the limo as we walked up to Shannon. I could see that she was dying to give Jack a piece of her mind…but as I laid my free hand upon her arm and looked up at her…I knew she received my plea as she leaned in and kissed me upon my cheek. "Thanks Shan…" I whispered into her ear…clutching Jack's hand even tighter before entering the wake being held in James's honor.

As expected their was a total uproar as Jack and I entered my home and the wake of James. There wasn't a single person in the room that could believe that Jack had the nerve to show up…much less that I had forgiven him and was plastered at his side….all except for Shannon. Before I even had a chance to explain or defend my actions she was all over them making them feel small and stupid for even trying to make me feel worse then I already did. I couldn't have loved her any more at that time then I already did…Hurley however was a completely different story. Hurley had always been my rock…had always been by my side regardless if he understood what I was thinking or not…this time was not the case. He was angry and me…even more angry at Jack and within a very short amount of time he had packed up his family and was gone. They all left after that…leaving Jack and I alone once again as I broke down in his arms for the second time that day.

Jack stayed in England with me for a month after that…but eventually he had to get back to work…leaving me to make some huge decisions in a very short amount of time. I was so confused and so upset that I couldn't go to the one person that I had always counted on in the past. I needed to talk to Hurley something fierce as I got over my fear and called his number very late on evening. "Hello…" I heard him speak so friendly over the line.

"It's Charlie…" I spoke nervously…noticing the hitch in his throat as I waited for him to speak.

"I don't want to talk to you Charlie" He replied as the friendliness that had been there before disappeared in an instant.

"Please…" Was the only word that I could reply before I started sobbing because I knew that I had been missing Hurley…just not the extent until he was once again pushing me away.

I could hear uneven breath across the line as I waited in fearful silence for him to say or do anything. "Are you ok?" I heard his ask…the extent of my sobs increasing as I heard the tenderness that was my best friend speak out to me.

"No…I don't know" I spoke a few minutes later once I had gotten control of myself somewhat. "I'm just so confused and I miss you so much" I spoke the truth…because I wanted him to know just how much he truly meant to me. "I'm sorry that I've upset you so much that you don't care for me anymore" I sobbed again because the damn had burst and had no choice but to run its course.

"I don't not care about you anymore. I mean…I still care about you man" He corrected himself and I could hear a smile it his voice and it made my heart sing. "I was just upset about the whole Jack thing. In fact I am still upset about it because I don't want him to hurt you again Charlie"

"I know…and he won't" I replied…wiping at my eyes as I laid back on the sofa I was sitting on. "I've just so confused Hurley…so confused and I don't know what to do about it"

"Tell me…" Was all he said as I laid out everything in his lap in hopes that he could help me straighten it out.

"He wants me to move back to Los Angeles with him. Claims that he will come out to everyone once we get settled…but…"

"But…your afraid that he won't follow through on it like before" He finished for me.

"Yeah…" I sniffled…waiting for his words of wisdom.

He waited a long moment before speaking and I held my breath as he began. "The truth is that he has done this to you before Charlie. He's vowed to love you and at the first sing of proving that love he bailed on you" Tears once again began streaming down my cheeks because his words were true and I knew it. "Even when you went and declared your love to him once again…he refused to give up his lie to be with the man that he claimed to love" I didn't say a word…just nodded to the empty room around me…because there was no way to deny what he was saying. "He could very well do that again once you move out here with him…but I doubt that he will"

"What?" I blurted out in shock and non-understanding.

"I saw the way that he held onto you while everyone attacked you. He didn't bat an eyelash as they reminded you of all the hurt he had caused you in the past. I thought at first that he was just being indifferent…but as I watched him I found that he wasn't thinking about himself…he was only thinking of you. He kept quiet and took the insults and hurtful words because he knew that they were true and no amount of denying them would change anything. I looked into his eyes and saw something that I hadn't seen in a long time…determination. Do you remember how protective he was of you on the island?" He asked and I couldn't help but smile because it was one of the things that we had fought about often the entire time we were stranded there. "He loved you Charlie…he always has and I honestly believe that he won't deny that love any longer"

"You really feel like that?" I asked…needing to be reassured.

"I really feel like that and I'm sorry that I was so hateful to you…but I worry about you Charlie. You're part of my family now and I…um…I…"

"I love you too" I supplied the words that he was clearly struggling with…a happy laugh emanating across my lips.

"Right…" He laughed himself and I knew all was well between Hurley and myself. "Where is the little asshole by the way?" He asked…snorting as he waited for a reply.

"Sleeping in the guest room" I replied with a yawn.

"Guest room?" He repeated and I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"Yes the guest room" I said with my own snort. "Believe it or not….Jack and I have not slept in the same room since the funeral. He's been my pillar of support and nothing else. He hasn't even tried to kiss me…despite my many attempts to kiss him" My snort turned to playful laughter.

"Maybe he thinks that it's too soon after James" He stated matter of factly and I knew that he was once again in protection mode.

"Hurley…the night that James died he spoke to me. He had been in practically a coma for months before hand…but right before he died he called out for me. He held me like he used to…declaring his love for me and yet letting me know that he knew I was still in love with Jack. He told me that he never once felt unloved by me the entire time that we were together and that he wanted me to be happy once he was gone. He knew that Jack was the only one that could truly do that and so he made me promise to forget all the bullshit from the past and embrace Jack into my future. You need to know that I tried to fight him on that…but afterwards as he lay dead in my arms I knew that he was right. I loved James with my whole heart…but he knew that a piece of that heart would always belong to Jack. Hurley…" I spoke fearfully as I heard hitched breathing on the other end of the line.

"That's so beautiful man" He sniffled. "I always knew that I loved that man" I could hear the smile in his words once again and it caused me to smile once again as well.

"So you think that I should take him up on his offer to move to L.A.?" I questioned once again just to make sure.

"You'd be breaking your promise to James if you didn't" Was his reply. "Besides your namesake has been a pain in my ass since I informed her that we were not going to be living near Uncle Charlie…you moving back will at least hopefully made her start talking to me again" I couldn't help but laugh…because it was such a Charlie thing to do.

"Let's keep this under our hats for a time. I want to surprise her once I get back and get settled. Think you can handle that?" I asked…grinning from ear to ear because my decision had been finalized.

"She hasn't talked to me in months…what's a few more weeks" He chuckled. "It is just a few more weeks…right?" I talked to Hurley for another hour before preparing to end out our phone call. "Charlie…"

"Yeah…"

"I really am happy for you. Love you man" He said with such truth and love that it brought to tears to my eyes once again.

"Thanks…love you too man"

With determination I walked up the steps of my home…entering the guest room without knocking. "Charlie…what's wrong?" I heard Jack question me…startling me for a bit because I thought he was asleep. "I heard you talking downstairs and figured you would be coming to see me…Hurley?" He asked and for some reason I started crying. "Come on…" He said pulling the sheets aside so I could crawl in next to him. "Still won't talk to you because of me?"

"No…we talked" I spoke up…rolling onto my side so I could looked into Jack's face. "We've worked everything out and he says that he understands everything now"

"Understands what?" He asks…rolling onto his side as well.

"How much you mean to me. How much I love you and can't live without you in my life. He told me that he knew that you loved me and that you always had. He told me that he's happy for me…for us. I love you so much Jack and yes…yes I will move to L.A. with you" I exclaimed happily as I reached out to wipe the tears trickling down his handsome face. "I love you so much" I repeated my devotion for him as I leaned forward and attempted to kiss him. I expected him to pull back as usual…but that time he didn't. Instead he wrapped his arms around my neck…kissing the shit out of me as he flipped us until he was laying full bodied on top of me. I was to startled to do much of anything at first…but as I felt his erection press heavily against my own…I gave into that kiss whole heartedly.

"I love you so much Charlie" He whispered tearfully once he broke our kiss…looking down at me with such love and devotion shining from his eyes that it took my breath away. "I love you and I promise you right here and now that I will never deny that love for you ever again. I am so sorry for everything that I've done to hurt you in the past…but we have the rest of our lives for me to make that up to you" It was a vow that I could tell that he meant from the heart as he leaned down and kissed me once again. It was a sweet and wonderful kiss that proved to me that he was ready to take the next step in our relationship and I was more then ready.

"You want to prove your love to me" I teased against his ear…blowing into it with my heated breath. "Then shut up and make love to me" I couldn't help the giggles of extreme happiness that over came me as he rid us of our clothes in mere seconds as we lay naked flesh to naked flesh. "So much better" I continued with my teasing as I shifted my leg to the side as his lower body slid between my legs. "ahhh…perfect" I cried out as his erection pressed even harder into my newly exposed erection.

"So wanton…" He growled against my lips…teasing them…lightly kissing them…nipping at them.

"Tease…" I ground out playfully…my mouth stretched into a full fledged smile as I attempted over and over to increase those kissing…finally winning when I flipped him easily onto his back…capturing his lips under my own. Playtime was well over as our kiss continued…his hands running up and down the length of my back and backside in spine warming exploration. Need for air became eminent as I released his lips and began to explore his neck…biting and licking my markings as I moved downward. I was fully ready to continue my adventure but Jack had other ideas as he rolled the two of us onto our sides…him kissing me quickly before sitting up. I was confused for a moment in thinking that he was going to leave me…but as he kissed me quickly and then laid down at my side…his head towards my feet I knew what he had in mind. I didn't hesitate as I positioned my head as close to his pelvic area as I could before taking his penis into my hand…then leading it to my mouth. He did the same as we began to set a motion that soon had our bodies humming and our dicks hard as nails. I had forgotten just how much I loved the smell of Jack's sex as I inhaled deeply several times in order to take my fill…at least for the moment. For long moments of time we continued to blow each other…until I was having trouble keeping his dick in my mouth due to the fabulous job he was doing attending to my own dick.

"Still can't keep up with me" He chuckled as he looked up at me…still holding my penis in his hand before his face. I couldn't speak a word as his breath kept ghosting across it…then to added torture he would lick up the length of it.

"Jack…please…no more teasing" I begged…almost near tears because I was so close to losing it. "I need you inside me…please" My begging continued…turning to screams of pleasure as he ignored my pleas and deep throated my dick so far down his throat that I exploded without a second thought.

"Are you ok?" I heard him ask as he slid up my perspiring body…a smug look upon his face.

"Inside me…NOW" I demanded…refusing to answer his question until I was stuffed full of him.

"God I love you" He chuckled as he moved off of me…going in search of what we needed next. Shifting upwards…I watched as he places a condom on his dick…slicking it up with a packet of lube before moving back towards me. "Legs up" He demands and who was I to deny him. Lifting my legs he positioned them over his shoulder as he moved in for the kill. He knew that I didn't need preparedness as he shifted forward…killing my ass with what I had been craving all along. My cries were loud…but not painful as he began to slide in and out of me. I was hard once again as I grabbed onto my own dick and began to jerk it to the rhythm he had set for us. His stokes were long and slow…but I wanted more and as expected without words he heeded my needs. Increasing the pistoning effect he had going on caused me to cry out loudly again…but this time his cries mingled with my own. It was fast and it was furious and as I continued to pump my dick with each thrust I grew harder and larger until I exploded across my stomach and chest. "I LOVE YOU CHARLIE" He screamed out at the top of his lungs as he exploded deep within me a moment later. Our breath was labored and hitched as our eyes locked across the expanse of my body…smiles and happiness exploding before us.

"Come to me Jack" I asked…holding my arms out to him. He never broke eye contact as he slowly removed himself from my thoroughly fucked ass…disposing of the condom before falling into my arms. I couldn't explain the rush of emotions that soon followed…but as I clung to him his love for me helped to sort through them.

Within the week Jack and I had packed up my home…shipped everything ahead of us before we took our flight back to what was to be my new home. No one greeted us at the airport as I had requested because I wanted to surprise my god daughter last that night as Jack and I just popped over. It felt strange to be in Jack's home again…but as I walked through the many rooms I scolded myself because it was now my home as well. I felt sad for Barbie…whom I found out much later after our reunion that Jack had broken up with right after the bathroom incident. He told her that he couldn't be the man that she wanted him to be and that he would never love anyone the way that he loved me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I recalled him telling me how she had punched him in the nose in reaction to his words…storming out of his life and his house forever.

"What's so funny…" I heard him question behind me as he came into the room…kissing me quickly on the lips as he shifted though piles of mail.

"Nothing baby…" I responded as I sat on the sofa beside him. "Jack…" I sang his name…laying my head on his shoulder as I looked up at him.

"Yes Charlie…" He grinned down at me because he knew that I wanted something.

"I know that we said we were going to get settled and take a nap before we went to Hurley and Shannon…but do you think that we could do now?" I asked…because I was dying to see my best friends and their children.

"Are you up to a visit this soon?" He asked and I could see the concern on his face.

"I really just need to see them Jack" I replied…snuggling deeper against him.

"What are we waiting for then" He smiled lovingly at me…kissing me quickly before jerking me off of the couch.

Our reunion was amazing and so much more then I could have ever expected. I truly had expected Shannon and Hurley to be cold and maybe even a bit mean to Jack…but after I had hugged each and every one of them…they turned tables on Jack. Hugs and words or welcome were exchanged as I stood off to the side of the room…my Charli plastered to my leg.

As promised Jack came out to his family…friends and even his co-workers. I was so amazed at the ease of which he spoke of our love…that same love shining in his eyes as he introduced me as his lover and partner in life. Most of his friends and family accepted me without a second thought…others did not. His mother took a bit of time…refusing to speak to him for months after our grand announcement…but then one day she showed up at our door with a bunt cake in hand and we've been a family every since.

Six months later I received a huge royalty check after selling the rights to Drive Shaft's only hit to a car company. The commercials were a huge hit and the check was quite large. I had no idea what to do with such an extreme amount of money and debated over it for weeks before I came to an conclusion. I was leery about letting Jack in on my idea…but he thought it a fantastic idea and even pitched in to help.

Epilogue…

I'm exhausted as I walk among the many minglers in search of only one person. It's been an extremely long night…hell it's been an exhausting couple of years…but tonight being here make it all worth while. "You've done a wonderful job Charlie…" I hear voices call out to me as I smile over at them…trying not to blush too much from all the praise I have been getting this evening. I decide to forgo my search as I make my way to the wall of fame…a picture of my former lover gracing it in memory of his life and all that he accomplished with it. Tears glisten in my eyes because despite the fact that it's been two years gone past…I still think about him and miss him often. Fingering the small plaque below it…I read the words that finally bring forth the tears that had been hiding. "This wing is dedicated to the memory of Retired Commander James Mackey. He was a brave man who defended his country and the lives of the people who inhabited it. He will be remembered by many for his quick wit…his easy smile and his huge heart that he was always willing to share with the world However…his friends and family he will be remembered for his capacity to love"

"Are you ok?" I hear the voice of the person I have been looking for question behind me.

"Fine yeah…" I assure…leaning back against his frame as he slides in behind me…arms wrapped tightly around my waist. "We really did a good thing here didn't we?" I ask…still not taking my eyes off of the picture of James.

"You…you did a good thing here Charlie" He replies as he forces me to turn around and face him. "You poured your blood…sweat and tears into making this cancer wing a reality…and here it is and it's all thanks to you"

"I had help" I smile up at my lover as I cup his face within the palm of my hand. "I couldn't have done any of it without you"

"You're so full of shit…but I love you anyways" He laughs…leaning in to kiss me…only to jerk away at the insistent tugging on his dress slacks.

"Uncle Jack…mommy says that you shouldn't be doing that in public" Our god daughter grins up at us…laughing in such childlike laughter despite the fact that she has no idea why she is laughing.

"Thank your mother for reminding me" He beams down at Charli…tweaking her on the nose before shooting death looks at a grinning Shannon from across the room. "You'd think that she'd be doing cartwheels around the room now that I've finally got over my stupidity" He smiles tenderly down at me…such love and devotion shinning from his eyes that I can't stop smiling myself.

"I know that I am" I tease before wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling him down for that much sought after kiss. "Let's go home"

Hand and hand we take our leave…bidding goodnight to the many people who are here. I know that we should probably stay a bit longer…but I honestly don't know if I can stand much more merriment mixed with sadness. I am just so tired that I want to go home and fall asleep in the arms of the man that I love and who loves me in return.

The end…


End file.
